Reading my last journal entry makes me wonder...was my head stuck up my bum? She was not and can never be a bestfriend to me. It seems habitual that every spring I end up lonely and depressed without fail, the people around me begin to disappoint me all the more and I begin to look for new friends only to find them disappointing as well. At least this time around I'm stronger in the sense that I have the ability to really and truely LEAVE people who I dont need in my life. Who can't help me, who can't make me stronger, and can't give me what I need. I dont know why i have high standards for friends, all I know is that I have NEVER been satisfied by friends. Many friends make me happy but do not fufil me. There is something so deep within me that yearns for a friend that knows me, really knows me, and really cares about me. Many people me that they dont know what they'd do without me, yet I find myself without any of those people today (save one). I'm waiting for the day when I can say I truely know a person, that they lay out who they are. Someone who I can laugh, cry, yell, praise and know to the deepest portion of their soul, and there is only one person in the whole world that lets me see all and lets me see all of them. I miss her, and wish she were closer. Dad thinks the end times are near because the hearts of men are growing colder, he's 65 and I asked if 40 years ago people were easier to get to know, he said yes. I'm 20, and I believe that it is TRUELY hard to know people, to really know a person's soul. I yearn to really know people and cut out the crap, which means that i'll have to get real and share my crap. yeah well i've got alot of it but if it means going deeper, heck yes let put on our wellies and do some dirt diggn.
Long ago I prayed a prayer that I thought God ignored. I was wrong. God didn't ignore it, he just didn't answer it right away. I have a real best friend, I havn't told her, that she is mine. I think she knows it, at least I will tell her. For years I've endured bestfriends, and thought that this is what it's always supposed to be. So i'm quite happy, that we met.
On another note, Caleb emailed me back .yay. weeee he's the bestie best. My bud from nz. i miss nz. i miss the people, the scenery, the smell, the food. oh man the food. South Africa will have to wait till I have an entire summer to burn.
» I committed suicide: » I lived next door to you: » I started smoking: » I stole something: » I was hospitalized: » I ran away from home: » I got into a fight and you weren't there:
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY:
» Personality: » Art: » Comments: » Character Designs:
WHAT ABOUT US:
» Who are you? » Are we friends? » When and how did we meet? » How have I affected you? » What do you think of me? » What's the fondest memory you have of me? » How long do you think we will be friends or enemies? » Have I ever hurt you? » Would you hug me? » Are we close? » Emotionally, what stands out? » Do you wish I was cooler? » On a scale of 1-10, how nice am I? » Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it. » Am I loveable? » How long have you known me? » Describe me in one word. » What was your first impression? » Do you still think that way about me now? » What do you think my weakness is? » Do you think I'll get married? » What about me makes you happy? » What about me makes you sad? » What reminds you of me? » What's something you would change about me? » How well do you know me? » Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't? » Do you think I would kill someone? » Are you going to put this on your journal and see what I say about you?
hey people I got a job at VICTORIAS SECRET, woot. tomorrow is orientation, mom and I spent 2 hours searching for black slacks, black shirt, and it was all done at the village. FOR ONCE THEY HELPED ME OUT! have a spiffy day, yay tanya's back.
im 18 today folks yup the big 1-8. i am typing to y'all from my oh yes BRAND NEW DELL COMPUTER. oh my gosh it is the most awesome thing ever, my speakers rock, i mean i have a master volume control. oh man im happy as a clam. yes now i have NO CURFEW this city can kiss my caucASIAN butt! so yeah, everyone have a fabulous day cuz i decree so. giggidy giggidy
i hate choir, i hate being a senior. just wana finish this year and go to S.A. I can't ever miss class and have to do stupid concerts. my dad gets mad at my for using the cell phone. just so tired of life. feel like i'm going round and round in a boring little circle with no escape. hate doing therapy want it to end!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wheres teh chocolate when u need it.